She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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