i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
me + whiskey = a bad person
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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