I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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