:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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