my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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