Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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