I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i out mim tonsoeep
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