I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
