That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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