I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
