dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
