When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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