would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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