The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
