dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
