I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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