I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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