one word: firstdatebathroomanal
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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