hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize