is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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