it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
