this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
