Who did Billy Mays play for?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
