Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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