dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
