just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
