before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
