I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
