pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
