Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
