My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
