I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just puked most of my soul out..
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