But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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