Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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