Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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