Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
