what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize