Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
