wanna go halves on a baby?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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