i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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