I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
