Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
