Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
