I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Drake has all the answers
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
