Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
