Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
