Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
