He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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