I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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