meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
