I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
