Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
