mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
