aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
