he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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