Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize