I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
