be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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