Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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