I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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