I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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