he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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