Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
