Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
