Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
