Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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