just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
